Infinite Fatality 

You may think that time can wait
For your surly suicide state.
But what is that if not rot,
Festered foul and come to dot
That once 360 degree psyche
Now battered blue and lost at sea.

Now welcome your forebears’ faces
Ghostlike. Blame these sepulchral spaces.
Space is a bottomless well, free fall hope.
Time is the length of a noosed rope.


Breath of past/To the last

Never made dealings in cert
The lone leaf weary, refusing to be taken by the wind
And make swirls beside all others
Remains shaking obstinately on concrete beside the gutter
You will not take me.

But you think I am indolent
It is greater pains to be down fighting your will
Than to be be dancing for you the way you want
But there is no love for those who go against you
We take not a thing to have nothing to return
If you don’t believe me
Look, here comes a boy now
To stake his youth, his cleanly play
An almost stout skip to
And the crisp leaf crunches underfoot
His polished schoolboy loafer
Oh so worth it
He’s better for it too, now
Lone leaf sighs
And then there is peace because it served a boy well
In this cold comfort hell.


Nothing I’ll do now is fair game
Passive gamer
Gross disdainer
I didnt stand a chance
Never could believe I made a believer out of you
Know this please
I have loved
With you, by you, because of you
For a time
I feared the fire that burned our nights
As it was explicable
Only by that thing otherwordly
Let the stars be
And the shield remains up
To my dismay
And to your modesty proper.


Nowhere Mare

I am not here
So I can never leave
Nor can I just remain
What I once breathed lies moribund
Where I once flourished stands a ghost town
When I smiled it was once true
And you, you always knew
Coloured me happy, taught me pride
For you are it, and it is you
Don’t you value my fight
About as harsh as I value my being

Where is my faith
Where is my agency
Where is my grace
Where is my spine
Now where is the crack
What’s up with this face
What is this fucking awful place.


Thrust you back in

It’s a gutwrench, behold
When another tears open the hole in your side
Releases the you that you wanted to hide
Sluices out slowly, slimy battered innards
Thing of pitiful mirthlessness
Why won’t you set it free, let it leave
But no, you stuff this back into you
And wait for the next lovely person
To tell you about yourself

Knot your sides back up, tight
You’ll start to carry your despair
Flaunt it even
Like a hideous necklace
Do you think it’s an heirloom?
You consider your forbears
And swallow the tears
Because hope is now a distant memory
And your mind is perforated by the little guys
Who live there to bombard you
With all that is untrue
But they don’t let a thing escape
So have fun head case


Now that it’s gone, it’s like it wasn’t there at all

If you get me you’d forget me
And you got me so you did
Yours is a clever soul
Inside and out
One plain, lucid soul
Coming right up
For the best, that is you and yours
And not too showy
Not fetid fetus smell of death coated in excess sickly sparkly sweet
Oh ignore that for it will not budge
Would not even gag it was so well formed
I no longer think of you when I touch myself
I can play all of my vinyl again, no flinch
No more the false grace naivete
Busying her hands with poor metal plans
Never did cash in on carter
Truly call this degenerate out
I thank you in many ways
Now you just go on
Now I must go along.


Beginning of the end

Hand on my neck
Hand around my waist
Hands we hold
Make vows
Make life
Make it out
Wow. Goddamn baby
But it’s all too strange
The past is negligible
Don’t make me laugh
We cannot resume from scratch
Paradoxical fuckery
There is something not quite right here

It is only ever a sweet dream
Night in night out
Ripped at the seam
People tell me to have them
It’s all their fault
Miracles they go
Against logic
Against rationale
Fly in the face of nature
So let’s have some control here
That’s rich
Had I but exercised control
In radiant love


Angel of mine

Once I stabbed an angel to death. Bled him right out, gut and soul. Struck at his very core. Again and again and again, going harder every turn. Til his wings did capitulate. Til his eyes widened doll-like but strangely, did not cease to water. So he lay moribund, what a thing to behold. My work was done. My conscience bailed, now what on earth is morality? Not long after, I expected him to fly for me. Fly, pretty, fly. Why won’t you fly? I killed his flight and couldn’t comprehend why my angel wouldn’t fly as he once did! I produced once more the dirty blood and brain-coated blade and stabbed some more at the angel’s stark body still so pretty, that he might put a stop to this ridiculous, petty show and wake the hell up. You don’t have to believe me. I know what I did.

That is the monster I once was. I would dance with the devil, for ages after the damn song had even stopped. I tired the devil out, he sat the fuck down and watched me work. He feared for his name. One more graceless move I’d be plying his trade he’d be mine to deliver. Thanking me, that’s what.

I would rather lay with my demons than learn to swim with my angel. Would. No will, no more. No longer. I cannot be this one moment longer. But fuck, for the love of all things pure, unintelligible, why? Why had I been this? Is this innate? Is this fun for you? Lord is this supposed to be fun for me?

A beautiful resurrection ensued. My angel babe. The blissful sun did well to dry up the river of tears he had wept. Never again would a river form in a manner so bleak so grey, nor run for a monster fallen so far from grace. His deadened locks flaxen had gleam once more, his ashen complexion replaced with cheeks rosey. He ran and he climbed far far away. A certain bravado he took in his stride. Surefooted man like you never did see. Man is jovial. Man revived. Far removed from me and all that surrounded, the stale air, the putrid flesh I bear, pitch black skies riddled with wispy specters and stars to put a curse on you if you look at them too long. Sea of stinking rotten cadavers at my feet. I don’t know where to journey so I learn to call it home. Unlike most, he always knew where he needed to be. Man moves onwards, upwards. Man is tough. Strength is honour and honour, glee

I’m so proud of the man I see it’s a kindness that I set him free though never another like him for it is he hope another angel lies in wait for me.