To any who follow my blog, I haven’t checked in for some time. I’m not really one to digress from the poetry/prose for a personal diary-entry like rambling but I suppose here’s why. On the bright side, I have proceeded to spin some of my demons to the ground and after a considerable amount of time, self-piteous pennings and all the rest, I step away from the urge to write that which reeks of heartbreak, self-deprecation and dour nostalgia to fuel my every word. I am focusing on what’s in front of me and what lies ahead. That said, on the downside, little of note has graced my days of late. For now. This, like all else, will take time.
I am looking around now far more as opposed to looking into myself and I must tell you, it’s wonderful what I see. I won’t write a thing in vain here, or throw in a cliche expressing an eye-opening experience or an epiphany that has saved me from my own self-professed moribundity. Only that I am claiming goodwill on what was always there for me to stake. I have a great family, a friend or two I trust with all my heart. I’ll be in Paris this time next week for Download Festival, followed by Kenya two weeks from that…I’d love to say I also have my good heart and good health, but this is pretty debatable if not laughable. Amen.
As I have struggled to readdress my passion, my release and often my saviour that is writing – deliberately avoiding opening up crumblesome for fear of closing it with the same blank page – I have read that to write anything, absolutely anything when one hits a wall is a start. I guess that’s been accomplished with the first half of this post that is my mind-numbing account you are so good to read.
I have also read writers’ block can be defeated by reading anything, again, anything at all. I have been doing so though not as often as I’d like, not to mention enjoying new music I’ve been drawn to which stirs me in the same way a good piece of prose might. It has helped a great deal. That and devouring episode after episode of Sons of Anarchy day in day day out.In my defense there are complex themes, an inordinate amount of blood-and-gore related inspiration to be had (enjoy my upcoming posts). Also, Jax Teller either sporting cut or topless. Your argument is invalid.
This morning, I happened upon some notabilia – a poem I had written for a blog called Rookie Creative. At the risk of seeming shamelessly self-indulgent, I’d like to share it. This I wrote before I knew love. It got me wondering – what inspirited me to express myself before all of it came crashing down?
On reading this, I cringed, just as many an amateur writer does when unearthing past works. Excessively wordy was Danse Macabre, risking pretentiousness and in fact not all of it making sense. Well maybe it did in my constantly half-inebriated student of a head at the time I wrote it. 2012, I recall, it was my first year of University, and my first time living out and, to my great pleasure, outside of London. I took to the cobbled streets of Canterbury with instant ardour, and in turn hated going back to London between terms. Deemed it something of an evil. Silly ponderings back then. But with the current hate-fueled terrorist activities plaguing our capital. Well it is no falsity.
Where the night will cost you the toils of your day,
To sip much too much, to heave and bleed it all away.
That’s London and it’s laughing at our simpleton ways,
Cue the zombies of death to keep us at bay.
‘Tis London, the streets we walk nightly
With Mayfair smoke blown from stiff lips, drawn tightly.
Smoke that dances, twists, unfurls into Satan’s pretty smile,
Choked in our liquid foolery, we smile back for a while.
Where we walk through crowds of feigned pomp and little circumstance,
That’s London where she told me she wanted us to dance
And sung words of sugar and spice that put me in a trance.
We didn’t understand, didn’t feel it with our hearts
Eighties noise got lost on these parts.
Said we can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
‘Cause your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance
Well they’re no friends of mine.
But we only wanted London
We erred then and we’ll err again tonight
Now the city of vice feeds on our souls
We cannot see the light.
P.S I cannot believe I quoted Safety Dance. There is no wondering why I sometimes really hate myself.